I just finished watching Blood Diamonds...on Christmas night.  Not sure how those two events converged, but I wouldn't recommend it.  Or perhaps I would.

Now I'm thinking.  Movies like that – Human Trafficking, Invisible Children, etc – tend to have that effect on me.  I have questions swirling around in my head.  Those movies really mess you up on the inside.  My mind wants to fall into a pattern of thinking how can there be a good God when this is happening.  I know, that I know, that I know God is a good, good God.   So, really I'm just wondering how I could ever tell a person surrounded by constant war and fear and death that there is a good God that loves them deeply and cares for them intimately.  They would surely think I was crazy.  But still I know that God is good.  And, for me, the fact that He gives us choices and freedom is not enough to negate His inherent goodness.  I won't let the evil, that fights against us and attempts to steal our very lives, as evidenced by events happening  all over the world - Africa, Thailand, across town - dictate God's attributes.  He is always good and He is love.  That is truth.  My encounters and experiences in this world will not change what I know to be true in my spirit.  It's dangerous when we start to let our experiences tell us who God is or who we are.

So, what do I come up with?  Does it make sense for me to never buy anything again, to boycott $4 lattes, or to never eat out?  Probably not practical and it's of infinitesimal help to adopt this poverty mentality.  How can I change what is going on in Africa, a world away from me, as I sit in my warm home typing away on my laptop?  More importantly, should I even try?  I am met with an astounding YES!  How?  First, I think it starts with being aware.  Awareness is the beginning, but it's only as good as the action that it inspires.  For me, I choose to change things one person at a time by supporting stories like this.  Second, wherever I am, I believe I am there for a purpose, so I can start by changing things in my own community. 

The Holy Spirit brought two responses to the tension of why I have so much, while others are literally living in war.  First, thanksgiving and gratitude are to be my escorts through life.  Second, He gave me Luke 12:48 – "From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."  In this nation, despite what any economist says, we have been given much.

Saturday, May 31:

For those who don't know, there has been revival in Lakeland for the past 62 days . Allison, Cristie, Sean and I decided to check out what we have heard so much about. Sunday morning, we packed the car and headed south…World Race style - no plans.

Why am I here? Simple. I want to draw into the Lord. I want to see Him move. I know that He is a supernatural God. But there is this disconnect at times between the truth I know about Him and what I see. I catch glimpses of it, but often, I think I miss it. I want to go where I know He is moving, and Lakeland seems to be the place. I want to be a part of this movement…this movement of our nation and our generation back to the heart of God. I feel like that is happening. I want to corporately join people here in seeking Him.

What I expect? I don't know what to expect. I haven't really watched it on GodTV. I've read little pieces here and there. I'm going so I can see and know for myself. And so that I can share it with you. I think there will be intimate worship, thousands of people who are hungry for God, probably some speakers here and there, the power of the Holy Spirit, and definitely the presence of God.

What else? I also go wondering what all this means. Wondering how this happens. What is a Revival? I think of revival of peoples spirits, but how can you measure that? And if spirits really are revived, than that is seen in the long term, right? The word revival conjures up thoughts of Southern churches, no air condition, all day meetings, and loud preachers. But who knows where I got that, probably erroneous, perception.

I'm not interested in looking for the next spiritual high every couple months, but I do want to be overcome with my God every moment of my life, and I know I won't get there unless I chase after Him. This is me chasing Him.

Fast forward 2 days. We went to the meetings Sunday night and Monday morning and evening. It was rather incredible. Your spirit is completely energized when you get together with thousands of people who crave His presence; all worshipping our God; all longing to go deeper into His presence.

I don't know who I expected to be here, but one of the things I love most is the diversity. There are people from all over the States, not to mention people from many nations who flew here for the revival - Egypt, Australia, Korea, South Africa, Germany, Switzerland, England....people are so hungry for God. And there are millions of people watching via GodTV. There are families and people who came alone. There are people from every walk of life - sick, healthy, rich, poor, black, white, asian, old, young, broken, free, believer, unbeliever, skeptic, republican, democrat, Pentecostal, Catholic, Baptist, etc, etc - the one uniting factor is our overwhelming desire and love for the Lord. I love it!!

It is a beautiful thing when God's people join together, worship and pour out their hearts before Him. Though, I do have times of uncertainty. Some of the things I see scare me - I'm mostly scared that they may happen to me. But I want more and more of the Lord, so I am trusting Him, and eventually I will get over myself. I only fear because I don't fully understand. But what I haven't experienced, I can't understand. That is where I come face to face with faith and trust.

If you haven't heard about what is going on, you should absolutely check it out. You can start here. You can also watch GodTV every night, if you can't make the trip to Lakeland. If you can make the trip here, I highly recommend it.

Kevin writes: It was a 100 degree day. The drive through the sugar fields was amazing and beautiful. Then as we left the paved roads and passed through the sugar fields to the land behind the facade, it was a dry parched land. Kriek told us as we were driving there it was the only truly God-forsaken place she had ever been. You thought she was exaggerating until you pulled up and saw it.

A mud hut they called the kitchen where the GoGos cooked for the 120 orphans at that care point. Water was over a mile away. No trees, just brambles and dirt. The "church,", the only covering anywhere was a stick frame with a tarp draped over the top. A tarp is only temporary shelter, and its time was up, as it had developed holes and rips. Still better than nothing.

Christi writes: I really struggled with going to Africa. I didn't want to leave the kids for that long. Kevin was really reaching towards spiritual things more and more. I liked what I saw, but I wasn't ready for all that yet...I thought. Anyway, I knew that if I didn't go on this trip with him to Africa, it would only make this spiritual gap between us bigger, so I decided to go. People said it would change my heart, but I didn't believe them.

Sure enough, the first time we got to a care point, I came alive. This is it, "this is what I was made to do," I thought. I held one of the younger kids, and immediately started crying. My heart just broke.

The third day, I was in Kreik's car, and she talked about the carepoint we were going to that day. She said it is God-forsaken country. When we arrived at Big Bend I saw why. There was NO shelter from the sun, and it must have been 110 degrees outside. When we stepped outside of the car, we stepped onto the driest earth I have ever walked on. Everywhere you looked the land was parched and cracked and barren. Their were bur plants everywhere, and thorns easily 3 inches long. I got burs in my shoes. Once they got in there it was impossible to walk. You couldn't get away from them. As you stopped to pick the burs out, more would get into the shoe you were balancing on. My husband had a 3 inch thorn go right through his shoe, and up into his foot. There was pain and ugliness everywhere you looked and stepped. You got the feeling that the very earth you stood on had been cursed by God. I wondered why.

As we approached the kids, one little girl in the crowd stood out to me immediately. She stared right at me...right into my eyes. I had to look away to break the stare. She was unlike the other kids I had seen and played with. She didn't run and jump in my arms. She didn't ask to be held. She just looked at me. I felt something inside me say "go get that little girl". But then something else said "no don't". We had been told by other people, that some of the kids are afraid of white people, so I believed that I was doing the right thing by distancing myself from her. I wasn't.

About an hour later, Jumbo showed up with some water, and Kreik mixed some drink mix in with it. We helped line the kids up to get their drinks. I noticed the little girl again. She had gotten her drink, and was aimlessly, almost deliriously, walking through the crowd. She had no one to go to it seemed like, but it looked like she needed a place to rest. So I picked her up and sat her on my lap. It was then that I felt how feverish she was, and the walking around delirious, made sense. She didn't feel good. It was the middle of their summer, and she had this nagging cough. She was also sneezing a lot, and there was green stuff caked around her nose.

Purplish OPEN sores COVERED her body, and fluid was oozing out of most of them. Bugs were on the sores, and flies were swarming around her. The meal at the care point had been served, and all the kids were eating. She was on my lap so she hadn't gotten her bowl of food. These kids walk MILES a day for one meal, so I didn't want her to miss it. I pointed to someone else's bowl, and asked her if she wanted a bowl. She shook her head no, and laid it on my chest. My motherly instincts kicked in, and I began asking around to see where this little girl's mother was, so that maybe her mother could make sure she ate something. The adults told me she didn't have a mother. It was safe to assume that she has no father either...so she was completely orphaned.

She had to walk there; it must have been hard for her, given the condition she was in. And then once she was there, she was forced to walk around deliriously in her feverish condition, as there was no shade, no shelter, no adult to rest on. It was then that I began to regret not picking her up when I first arrived in this God-forsaken place. She could have had another hour to just rest.

As I held her, with her head on my chest, tears came flooding down my face. I turned away from her, because I didn't want her to see them. I couldn't help but think of my own children at home. When they are sick, they become a prince or a princess for the day or for how ever long they need to be. I put them on the couch, and I prop a pillow or two up, just right, behind their sick head, and I cover their bodies with a warm blanket. They get a bell, or a noise maker that they can ring to get my attention whenever they want it.

I send my husband to the store to get sprite, and whatever else I feel might be good for them, and their condition.. I cried because their was no one to do that for this little girl. I wanted to, but the sad reality was I was going to be taken back, in an air conditioned vehicle, to one of the nicest hotels in Swaziland. I was going to get a hot shower, and be taken to a nice restaurant for a hot meal. After I was done with my hot meal, I had the option of swimming in a nice pool, and I had a comfortable bed to get a good nights sleep in.

I have never been more ashamed of how I take my blessings for granted. At that moment, I could have given all that up to stay there with her. I didn't have that choice though. As they called me to the car, I had to give her up, I had to let her go, and again she just stared at me...she stared into my very soul, and all I could do was kiss her and tell her I was so sorry. I was sorry for a lot of things. I was sorry I hadn't listened to God's spirit in me telling me to pick her up earlier. I was sorry I had wealth, and she didn't. I was sorry she had to continue living in God forsaken country, while I got to return home to America. I was just sorry.

I wanted to be so much more than just sorry. It was there that God told me He would bring us back, and that I would be able to do so much more than just be sorry. I was going to step in where there was no mom, and be a mom. I was going to be able, one day, to bring hope into a hopeless situation.

How do you measure a year in the life? Some would say in love, in miles, in laughs, in journeys, in truth learned, in tears cried. I have attempted to share what I have learned this year. Surely I haven't covered everything. And some of this I probably knew before, but now I know at a deeper level - I know it in my core. And some of this I am still learning. Life is a process. But God is faithful to see that to completion. I hope this tells you a little about my year and maybe it sparks something in you. Perhaps you have already learned this, perhaps God is teaching you now, maybe it won't make sense until you experience it yourself.

[TRUST] -Regardless of how things may seem to my limited view, God is in everything. Nothing happens outside of Him. God is completely sovereign. He has taught me a lot about trust this year.

[AUTHORITY] - We are sons and daughters of Christ and as such we have an authority that can move things; break strongholds, bring freedom, build things. We rarely take hold of the fullness of this authority. But when we do, we realize the power in Christ. (Luke10:19)

[PRAYER] - God chooses to work through us. In a sense, He limits Himself to us. He listens to our prayers. He cares what we say. He has given us the power to unlock things and break strongholds through our prayers. We have to understand the power of our prayers and know that each of us is called to pray. (James 5:16, 1 Peter 3:12, 1 Timothy 2). And I have become a huge believer of praying the Word. I never really did that before. But speaking the Word and then praying it to God is powerful. And it is perfect, what better and easier to pray, than His Word.

[CONFRONTATION] - As much as I hate to admit it, the Lord is right when He tells us to work things out with one another. I do not like confrontation. It makes me uncomfortable, but I have learned that it usually makes things better and strengthens a relationship. It brings clarity to the things that are running through your head. You can't expect a person to change, if they don't know how they are hurting you. Honesty is key. But I also know not to go to someone about every little thing. And I do not approach someone without first taking it to God.

[TRUTH] - Truth and honesty are the only way to operate. I have to continually speak God's truth over myself - what He says about me in His word and what He has spoken to me.

[COMMUNITY] - We are made for community. It is foundational to how God created us to live. I am not just talking about eating, living and sleeping together. I am talking about the kind of community that sharpens us, draws out the God inside us, pushes us, and accomplishes much for the Kingdom. I have realized the importance of these type of relationships. I have even become desperate for community as I now know it. I have to have people around me keeping me accountable and calling out the God inside of me.

[CHURCH] - Church is not a building or a place. Church is a body. Never have I seen church the way I have this year. It is a lot of the community I talk of above. It is simply sharing what Christ is doing in your life with others, being vulnerable and open, being available to others. Church is not a cultural hiding game, pretending we are perfect. It is not a social club. It is not two hours on Sunday morning. It is not one person doing everything, while the rest sit idle, it is a collective movement towards God. Church is life as we were created to live.

[MINISTRY] - It is not always what you think or expect. And it absolutely doesn't mean having the title of a full-time missionary. It is about being kingdom-minded/aware and Christ-centered. Missions is not and event or a trip, it is a lifestyle. We are to build His Kingdom everywhere. And that doesn't always mean by preaching. Most often it just means living and breathing with a consciousness of what God is doing. It is always asking the questions: "God, what are you doing in this place or in these lives? And how do I fit into that?" Obedient in the moment.

[LEADERSHIP] - You have to give people 2 things before they will follow you: 1)You must show them you are trustworthy and qualified, 2) You must give them a reason to follow you. Unfortunately a higher title/position does not guarantee that people will follow you.

[LOVE] - If it is not compelled by love, then you need to ask God to get you to that place. Things lose meaning when they are not compelled by love. We need love, in fact we are desperate for it, and we must give love. If we have loved well….that is what will bring satisfaction in the end. Love changes.

[GRACE] - Grace is the cornerstone of who Christ is. When we learn to see each other with Christ's eyes - each made in the image of Christ and each a child of Christ, - and when we grasp at the smallest level the grace that God gives to us, then we will know grace, and be in a place to give and receive it.

[WARFARE] - We are spiritual beings. There is no question of that. We absolutely have an enemy whose every desire is to destroy us by removing our focus from God and lying to us about who God says we are (our true identity). We have to fight back and our weapons are not carnal, but they are prayer, worship, truth, the Word and community. That is what we must fight with and for. And at the same time, I can't focus on warfare. I must watch for the enemy, but my focus must be worship. Love worship, not warfare, but when necessary, go to war.

[PERSPECTIVE] - Everything we do is at some level based on our perspective. We have to determine what perspective we want to live from.

[AMERICA] - I absolutely love America. Yes, we don't get everything right. Yes, I can't stand it at times and wish to escape to another place. Yes, I get frustrated with our priorities. But, truthfully, I love it and I know that we have been given much. I love that we have washers and dryers. I love that we have showers. I love that we have freedom. I love that there is toilet paper in every bathroom. America is truly a great place! I am grateful and proud to call it my country.

[FAMILY] - Everywhere I have gone this year, I have seen heartbreaking circumstances. And every time I look for the root, I see that people 1)Don't have Christ and 2)Have incredibly dysfunctional families (which stems from number 1). Family is the most important thing. If we don't value those intimate and unique relationships that God has given us then things get messed up. And I do believe that every family has it's problems at some level. I know longer believe in normal. But there our children being sold by their parents. There our children who have never received a hug from their parents. There are children that are growing up without parents because AIDS and lack of responsibility. There are parents who raise their little boys as girls. There are parents who choose alcohol or drugs or money over their children. These may not be our primary problems in America, but we do choose careers over our children. We do teach them status. And divorce is rampant. And our homes our falling apart. We have to learn to value the sacredness or the family and the importance of parenting. We have to invest in our children if we want to see the changes in the next generation that we desperately need. And fathers have such a crucial role in this all. Fathers must be leaders. They must speak value and love into their children. We've got to get this family thing right.

[WORDS] - I never realized the importance of my words before this year. I sought to choose them carefully, so not to hurt those around me with harsh words. But I did not understand the spiritual importance and influence that my words have. As sons or daughters of Christ, we have been given authority. So when we declare something; when we say yes/no to something, the spiritual realm also says yes/no to that thing. (Proverbs 18:21, Matt 16:19)

[SPIRITUAL ATMOSPHERE] - There is absolutely a spiritual atmosphere or climate, so to speak. As I have been in different countries I have experienced this. The enemy always lies, but he does not always use the same lies to deceive or distract. In some places there was a spirit of oppression, some places a spirit of lust, some places a spirit of lethargy, some places a spirit of evilness, some places a spirit of complacency. Everywhere is different. I have learned to ask God what I need to be prepared for as I go into a place. When I am not aware and when I don't pray through it, those things begin to affect me and latch on to me. It is so important to be aware of what is going on in a certain area.

[MIRACLES] - God is a still God of miracles. He worked supernaturally this year - that is His character. He heals people. He desires healing and wholeness for all - spiritually, emotionally and physically. We have to be open to that, persistent and believe that He is still miraculous. In small things too, that don't seem to matter that much to the Kingdom. But if it matters to us, it matters to Him.

[LISTENING] - God is a God who speaks (John 10:27). Just like any relationship, mine with God is not to be a monologue of constant requests. He longs to speak to me, as well. I'm not sure how much I realized this before this year. Think of your relationships with your best friends - that is the relationship that God longs for with each of us. But just like any relationship, it takes time, intention, and effort to learn how to discern and hear God's voice. And He is not limited to speaking through the Bible, though He uses that often; He speaks through His Spirit inside of me, people, and situations. The important thing though is to always test what you perceive Him to be saying against scripture and other believers.

[HIDING] - I have realized that I am unfortunately pretty good at this. But I have learned that if I attempt to hide from, or avoid, potential hurt, pain, rejection, difficulty, then I will inevitably miss out on the good things. I will miss out on incredible relationships, love, and beauty. Those are things I am not willing to miss. That is not living.

[AWARE] - Life is about living fully aware of and available to where and how God is moving, and how you can be a part of that. Living that way will turn life into an adventure with God anywhere you are, regardless of what you are doing. You do not have to be traveling around the world to be on an adventure with God. It is just about being available and obedient to what God is doing in your sphere of influence. And you always have influence in the spiritual realm.

[PEOPLE] - People everywhere have the same deep longings and basic needs. That is seen as you enter different cultures all over the world. But on the surface, in the words of Jane Kim, "People are different." That is what you will learn living with 26 people day in and day out.

[PERSISTENCE] - I am still learning to be persistent in life and in prayer. God calls us to be persistent and life demands that of me. Yes, it is difficult and I will fall. But what a tragedy to stop when I am just short of spiritual breakthrough, an answered prayer, or reaching a dream. We must persevere in trusting God's faithfulness.

[IDENTITY] - I am still learning to live from the identity that God gives me - daughter of the King, the bride of Christ - my true identity. It is a tension that I often find myself caught in - that I am not enough. I know more of who I am now, but I don't always find myself living from that place. This is still in process and it may always be.

[HOLY SPIRIT] - The Holy Spirit is innate to the life of a Christ-follower. This part of the trinity is often ignored, thus causing us to live a faith based on religion rather on the movement of God. I think I was somewhat numb to this prior to this past year. The Holy Spirit is alive and present and inside each one of us. The Holy Spirit directs, convicts and brings forth life in power and healing. Life without the Spirit can be dead - I can't neglect this part of Christ.

[ME and GOD] - This one probably sounds ridiculous. But one day it just hit me - God is inside of me, literally, inside of ME! I have to continually profess that over myself, but it is truth.

[GOD ACTIVITIES] - I don't really know what to call this. But one day I was doing things for our ministry - running errands, taking care of things, etc. And God spoke simply and clearly to me. He said these are good things, but when they take precedence over me, they are no longer good. He's got to be number one. He is jealous over you and your time.

And there is so much more...about worship, faithfulness, prophecy, forgiveness, the world, living, myself. But I didn't want to make it too long. Thanks for reading and thanks for following me and standing by through this journey. I will be home today. I would love to share with any of you, more in depth, about what I have learned. Look forward to seeing everyone!!